why does this always happen..why is tumblr the only place i can vent. Night’s like these its bad for me to be alone. When im alone i think way to too much, when i’m alone its like a wakeup call, and i realize way too many things to don’t want to. Because when i’m not alone my mind is focused on other things, which is what i try so hard to do, because this is literally the worst feeling in the whole world. In a week school is let out, and surprisingly i’m not excited at all. About a month ago i was fucking stoked for summer. But now things have changed.. For some reason everyone around me is starting to drift away.. and i don’t fucking get it, i don’t fucking get what the fuck is wrong with me because i try so hard. Everything else in my life i don’t really give a fuck about, but when it comes to the people i adore they are number one, if anyone of them called me at 4 in the morning and needed my help i would do everything i possibly could even if it means risking a lot. But honestly i cant name one person that would do that for me.. and it breaks my heart. Another thing that always is crossing my mind lately is why cant i just let people in, i honestly love being single but sometimes i just want someone to hold me and tell me they care, but for some reason its just not possible i’ve tried so many times but i just cant allow myself to because i know eventually the relationship will end and i don’t think i could go through a break up, it would ruin me, and i already have enough things that bring me down on a daily basis. On top of all of this my relationship with my parents is falling apart more by the day, just 2 days ago my mom went off on me and then literally told me she doesn’t want me living at her house and asked me to consider moving out. So now my parents don’t even want me around, and 99% of the people i call my friends all are showing signs that they don’t either, and its fucking tearing me apart my body aches from sobbing, and being so frustrated with all the shit in my life that is constantly bringing me down…